In some respects they were very similar and in others they were different. I found the subtle mind a bit easier to do but that may just as well be because of 'baggage' I have to deal with that the other one has drudged up. Because I understand this one better I think I might be more inclined to teach it to others as well. You know its kinda like one of those things-you know something works so you tell all your friends so they can know about it to?

beginning week four

I have not been able to listen to the CD yet as my CD player decided to glitch. Will be trying to 'borrow' my daughters so I can listen to it. I did however, finish the reading in the book. From the reading I have gleened information that I think is applicable to my practice as a nurse. Our mind is calmer and better candidate for comtemplative practice when we are relaxed. With time and practice there will come a time when loving-kindness will reveal itself as a natural aspect of higher consciousness. All of us have experienced profound kindness, compassion and love for another person. In order to show this to others we must first begin by showing it to ourselves. We cannot share with others what doesn't exist in ourselves. It can be expressed in our thoughts, prayers and advice or through physical assitance and generosity that connects heart to heart. It includes sensitivity, openness to others and their differences, warm heart and qualities fo repect fairness, honesty, patience and acceptance. All too often it is obscured by a calculating mind that assesses the worth of everything and the cost of it to us. When we see that everyone wants happiness and love, we can move/step further and wish this for others. The mind drives our outer actions so the mind is where we must start. Cultivating intension will shift mental attitude from self-centeredness to cherishing others. Once this inner attitude is sufficently stabilized we can begin to practive it in our world. I want to assit others in alleviating needless suffering and gaining happiness. In order to be effective with this I need to learn now to cultivate these characteristics in myself first-only then can I begin to know how to properly share them with others.
Dacher,E.S. (2006). Integral health: the path to human flourishing. Laguna Beach, CA: Basic Health Publications, Inc.

Week four exercises

I have just finished reading our material for this week. I tried the loving-kindness exercise but for some reason could not get past the loving myself part. Everytime I tried to turn the love I felt for others toward myself, I kept coming up with reasons why I wasn't worthy of such feelings or for that much attention.
I will continue with the exercises as this plays into my low self-esteem/worth issues that I have been fighting for years. Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll learn how to even like myself enough to 'let the love flow' as it were.

aggrevation with classes

I have been having a high stress level this week. I used to have a laptop computer that I was able to do most of my class work on -only using the desktop for seminars as my laptop had no sound. Now I can't get it to work so I have to budget time with my daughter who also needs to use it for classwork. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!
Sorry, it has just been one of them weeks and my final straw is about to be stepped upon.

Nurses beware

And now Obama is lying to America and saying that the health care bill won't pay for illegal aliens. I can't repeat what I initially said because it had something to do with bovine excrement. I then took a deep breath, remembered that is just Obama's way to try and get votes for HR3200 and not to get that upset. Of course, worrying about whether I am even going to have a place to work once I can go back to work doesn't do much for my current stress level.

well being evaluation

Hmm, Physically I would have to say I am about a 6. Part of this is because of the GBS and its limits on my mobility. I have been working on more endurance but I still get tired real fast. I do try to go on a 20-30 min walk each night it isn't raining to help unwind.
Spiritually-I am about an 8 or so. I have a strong belief and faith that God is in control-even when I don't understand why he allows somethings or doesn't seem to answer when asked why things have happened the way they do. I know he has my best interest at heart I just have to trust him to let me know when the time is right.
Psychological-mental health-I think I still hover about 5-6. I was constantly told by my mother that I was useless and couldn't do anything right. Even when both of my parents became ill with cancer (not at the same time) she didn't want me to take care of them because she never felt that nursing was the proper field for me-she didn't trust my abilities. Because nursing was the only time I felt like I could accomplish anything i nearly lost my family/husband because I was spending so much time at work instead of with them. After about two years of counsuling with my husband, I have begun to realize that God don't make no junk. He made me just the way I am for a specific reason and I shouldn't listen to anyone (like my mother) who think I am anything other than what I am.

Exercise 2

I just could not get into the exercise this week. I don't know if it was because of the stress we are experiencing around the house right now, or the fact I found his voice 'grating on my last nerve' at times. If one more thing goes wrong around our house I may just scream and get it over with. Not having any money, not being able to go back to work and still having to pay hospital/ rehab bills is taking a toll on both my husband and daughter-not to mention me.

What I have learned today

What I have learned today is that HALT really works. I have had to start using a CPAP machine at night because the GBS has led to a problem with my airway when I lay down. For non-medical people a CPAP is continuous positive airway pressure. That means I wear this funky looking nose piece and the machine blows heated/humidified air into my nose all night long.
The first night was okay, but the second one caused my asthma to trigger so I ended up taking it off in the night. I was called by the respiratory therapist who told me that is a common response. At first I was upset that I couldn't get the blasted thing to work after cleaning it and when I stopped to pause (before I forced the issue and broke something) I realized I was hungry and angry so I put it down and after a cup of coffee (half cream/sugar and half coffee- I like a little coffee with my cream [smile]) I returned to it and it worked fine the first time. What I had been doing wrong before was trying to put the nose piece back on upside down.

the new week

Well, we are starting our second week of classes and the first week of the blogging. I have had a very stressful week in that my finances are taking a big hit. I was supposed to be getting some respite from the government yet I still have not received my check. All they can say is the typical 'the check is in the mail'